I am not a very good writer, but writing seems to be good for me. The process of slowing down and ordering thoughts helps calm my mind. I also quite enjoy the way words can work together and how different configurations of the same ingredients can impact you in different ways. This site is more about personal therapy than anything else.

The thoughts collated here are driven by one main question: why? But that question is inherently ambiguous. When we ask “why” what are we really asking? Are we asking about cause or purpose? Are we asking “What made this happen?” or ” What were we hoping would happen?” One version of the why question moves from past to present; the other version moves from present to future. The why question spans multiple horizons.

Why “Five Horizons”?

The “horizon” metaphor has long enchanted me. Fixing your eyes on the edge of what’s beyond provides a humbling perspective. The term “Five Horizons” comes from the Pearl Jam song “Black”. The song reflects sorrowfully on a lost love, a woman cryptically described by the line “all five horizons revolved around her soul”. It’s a much-debated lyric, but it seems to want to communicate the beautiful yet confused complexity of this person. Many believe the fifth horizon refers to a spiritual quality, one that transcends the four corners of the earth. I wonder, however, if the fifth horizon is a reference to something more “earthy”. In horticulture, soil profiles are described in terms of their horizons, each of which provides a different level of sustenance for the plants growing in it. With all five horizons revolving around her soul, this person had a depth to her that stood out.

I think both views honour what is intended: the looking up and looking beyond aspect of the fifth horizon, but also the looking deep and “under the surface” aspect. She was in no way superficial, and her depth was intoxicating. A person like this would take a lifetime to truly know, but you would be a far richer person in the end for knowing them. The great tragedy of the song is that all opportunities were cut short by her death.

The song ends with the heart-wrenching cry, “I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, I know you’ll be a star…in somebody else’s sky…but why, why, why can’t it be…me.”

So, Five Horizons is about going deep, looking up, looking out, and asking why. It’s my attempt to resist being governed by the here and now and the superficial and tangible. I believe there is life beyond the horizon if only we’d fix our eyes on it.

Scott Millar